Parting Ways with a Digital Friend
You sit there, staring at your phone waiting for that magical text to appear. And somehow, it never does and you are left with feelings of shame, guilt, and lack of closure. Perhaps, you are angry at the person who ghosted you, questioning how someone could be so cruel to just disappear out of thin air.
Ghosting is the act of ending communication out of the blue without an explanation. The person disappears, like a ghost, and you are left to wonder whether they fell off a cliff or if you did something to cause the end of the relationship. Ghosting, which is a form of digital disappearance in a digital relationship, can take many forms. A romantic partner moving on, a friend, a family member, or a colleague deciding to leave the relationship. Regardless of the context, the person abandoned or the “ghostee” is left trying to make sense of an unexpected situation, often blaming themselves and wondering what it is that they may have done to cause this. Our thoughts and feelings spiral quickly. Questions arise like “Am I worthy?”, “Will this happen again?”, and “Who can I trust?”. The explosion of communication channels - be it text or social media, voice or video calls - means the sudden silence can be deafening. Especially when you see the ghoster posting on instagram to the rest of the world..
People can also “go ghost” in other areas of their lives. The term ghosting also describes the act of someone disappearing from tasks and responsibilities. It can happen slowly or abruptly
Telltale signs when someone ghosts you:
A red flag cold be when a person starts taking longer and longer to respond.
They’re less interested and you are the one keeping the conversation going. Could be a sign that they are looking for a way out but doesn’t know how to say it.
The person ends communication. You call and send messages without a response. If you notice you’ve been sending multiple messages without an answer, this is a clear sign that you are being ghosted.
Why do people ghost:
The person is avoiding conflict or an uncomfortable conversation.
The person is escaping from a bad relationship. There are times when ghosting is justified. Cutting ties abruptly without an explanation is acceptable and encouraged if a relationship is abusive or harmful.
The person wants options since everyone is one swipe away. It’s easier to connect and disconnect with people now if you get bored and want to move on.
Ghosting can hurt. At The Meeting House we talk to our community about how to be a kind and successful digital citizen. Rules of decency and social grace can survive and thrive in this context too.